The Happy Soul Podcast

0:02

I did and I was like, and also I was scared to leave.

I was scared not that I think he’d do anything, but just like I was just scared to leave because then I knew where that comes with it consists of like not not talking his family anymore, not but you know, mutual friends potentially, you know, we’re all, you know, I’m not going to speak to them again or they might not want anything to do with me because I ended it.

0:26

Like it was like overwhelming.

I was more worried about other people than him.

Welcome to the Happy Soul podcast.

My name is Melissa and this is Sammy.

We are diving deep into conversations that connect and inspire stories of resilience, triumph and transformation.

0:43

Stories that take us to the heart of human connection.

Please note that opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect those of this podcast.

Please listen with your kindness and an open mind.

Each story shared is authentic and vulnerable.

Let’s embrace our differences with empathy, knowing every voice enriches us together.

1:03

Let’s cultivated community of respect and curiosity.

Thank you for listening.

Now sit back, relax, and prepare to be inspired.

Hello everyone, welcome back to the Happy Summer podcast.

We are doing Domestic Violence Awareness Month this October and today we are joined by Mona.

1:22

Mona came to us through another guest and she has a story to share about her experience with an abusive relationship.

She’s going to share with us some really nitty gritty details about her relationship.

She’s just lovely and she was so brave to show these stories with us.

1:38

And I’m just, I’m really looking forward to this conversation.

So I think that this is a good one to listen to if you are in a relationship like this, think you might be, think somebody you know might be, or if you’re just curious about hearing how these kinds of relationships can evolve, this is a good one.

1:59

So welcome, Mona.

Mona, I was just going to say like, I think I, I know this is kind of side note at the same thing, but we started doing these intros after we’ve done the recording with people.

And I’m really loving it because I’m loving having a feel for what this person is talking about, like where their heart is coming from and what what they’re trying to accomplish.

2:21

And I think it’s, we said this to Mono in the cover recording today.

That’s so incredibly unfortunate that we have to highlight domestic violence because we wish it wasn’t a thing.

But Mona’s heart, I mean, like she’s sharing her raw, real story about what she’s gone through.

But the reason she’s sharing it, like, if you haven’t read it, go down and Jimmy, she says that at the beginning of the episode, but go down and read the typed up version of this at the bottom of the episode here.

2:44

I just read why she wants to share her story because it’s really incredible.

Her desire to open it up to other people to just hear so that they can spread awareness and recognize if they’re in an abusive relationship and and to get out or how to protect themselves or how to build their boundaries or whatever it is.

3:02

And I think that’s a really incredible.

I one thing that I wanted to say about this one is it’s I I’m glad you brought up her, her why and why it was important to her to share the story.

I’m really glad you said that because I wanted to say not ever have.

We Where did you go?

3:24

Come back to me.

There you are.

I leave that in.

I leave that in Comic Relief.

Not ever have we had a We Are an unscripted podcast.

We have been asked if people can bring scripts in before and we’ve always said no, that’s not how we roll.

3:42

We are candid.

We’re raw.

We like to have very organic conversation.

We don’t normally go by notes.

Now, this is one time that we actually, Mona wrote us an e-mail and she wrote us why she wanted to share her story.

4:02

And what she wrote was so beautiful that we asked her to read it at the beginning of this episode.

And please do listen to it.

It is absolutely beautiful.

And read it like it is just so beautifully said, so beautifully written that we were like, no, you need to read that.

And it’s, it is really quite beautiful, just these these stories.

4:21

I don’t know if this is for the outro or the intro, but these stories are really hard to wrap up into an episode because they are so multilayered.

So stick with us and welcome Mona to the podcast.

Hey, Mona.

Hi.

Thanks for coming today.

4:37

I really, we really appreciate you being here.

We’re really excited to dive.

Not excited.

We always say like we’re so excited.

We’re not excited because this is kind of a crappy thing to have to talk about.

Yeah, but we’re really happy to have you come on into the.

Podcast and we’re honored that you’re.

4:53

Allowing us to share your.

Story.

Yes, of course I’m excited to be here.

Yeah, yeah.

Welcome to our living room.

This is cool, we get to do it in person.

Oh my God.

I I think that I just did it what Melissa said, welcome to the podcast and thank you, like we said, for allowing us to hold space for your story because we don’t want to have to raise awareness around domestic violence.

5:12

We just wish it wasn’t a thing.

You know, we just wish that wasn’t a thing, but it is.

And so we’re honored for those of you that want to Share your story with us and allow us to raise awareness behind it.

So thank you for being.

Here, thank you for having me, of course.

We want to 1st I wanna I don’t know if you wanna talk to start with like the reason why you want to Share your story or if you we want to dive right into the story.

5:35

But what do you?

What do you?

Think, yeah, I can definitely explain why I want to share my story.

I want to share my story because I know what it’s like to be in a relationship where it chips out you over time.

And I’ve experienced a lot of mental and emotional abuse and very close to physical.

5:51

So that was really tough to deal with, especially because I felt really lonely and it was a painful place to be when you don’t recognize the red flags until you’re really deep into the relationship.

So my goal in speaking up is to spread awareness, especially for those who are new to relationships, unsure of what love should look like, or even those thinking of giving love another chance after a heartbreak.

6:11

Because I want to be the voice for people who might be feeling stuck, confused, or ashamed to talk about it or use their voice.

And I I’m not a professional, but I am just speaking from experience through my very first real relationship.

Everything I’ve had with this person was a lot of my first.

6:28

So by sharing my experience, I hope to empower others to recognize the early warning signs of unhealthy dynamics and understand their worth and prioritize their emotional and physical safety.

Because abuse doesn’t always start with bruises, as it often starts with subtle patterns and it can easily be overlooked.

6:46

And if my story can even help one person to spot these signs, then it will be worth it.

Because no one deserves to feel trapped, small, or unworthy in a relationship.

Even though right now I’m still working through my healing journey, I hope to inspire strength, self-awareness and hope for healthier and more fulfilling future for anybody who needs it.

7:01

Isn’t that so beautiful?

Yeah.

Like where her heart is coming from.

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Seriously beautiful.

So did you read that?

Thank you.

Thank you.

That’s.

It’s an incredible place to be where you’re at, saying like, I want to use this to empower people, you know, and everybody shares for different reasons for sometimes it’s to empower other people.

7:18

For some people, it’s too like it’s cathartic for them to just talk about it and get it off their chest.

And so.

Yeah.

Thank you.

So can you tell us how you and John Doe met originally?

We initially met through mutuals back in 2020.

I’ve known him for a while, but I never really spoke to him.

7:36

We just kind of in a friend group in college and other friends went to another college.

So we kind of would meet up and hang out and he’d be there.

And then we went to Scream Fest.

It was October 2020, and it just kind of started there.

We started talking and then we added each other on social media and that’s how it kind of started.

7:55

It’s through mutuals.

I was told that, you know, he was really kind.

He’s so sweet, you know, quiet kid and, you know, high school.

And I was like, OK, you know, And then things were going well in the beginning.

And then it things went by quickly.

8:11

I would say in about less than two months we started dating and I felt like I didn’t really know him well enough at the time.

But when you were 1920, you don’t really think about these things.

You just like, oh, this person’s giving me the attention or whatever.

And that’s the thing, I thought I fell for you and it just started from there.

8:30

So what were the what were the good things do you think that started the relationship?

Like what did you see that were like attractions to him and and things that you you liked about him when you first?

Met in the beginning, it was a lot of the effort, like calling, checking in.

You know, sometimes they ask me for advice for, like, he wanted to buy this, like, shoe rack.

8:49

He was asking me to help him find one.

And we just kind of bonded through that, like just connecting and getting to know each other.

He’s really sweet, too.

Yeah.

Very kind.

We made time to see each other, hang out.

It was just fun.

We watched a horror movie at one point.

I remember that.

And it was there in COVID, so nothing was open.

9:07

So we were watching a.

Hard.

And this car and we were just like, you know, cuddling, talking.

It was fine.

It was good.

But it wasn’t till later until I noticed more of the signs started to develop within.

I would say a lot of it was shown in the first year, but I didn’t really know.

9:24

I just thought it was like, normal.

Yeah, yeah.

So how long were you guys together before you could say the first sign that I mean, not the ones you reflect back on, but the first one where you were like, you know, this is no, in the moment you were like, this is not.

Good.

Yeah, I remember this vividly.

9:40

This was probably like four or five months during like the start of our relationship.

For four or five months in.

I remember I was with my friend.

She was at my house, and I was being snoopy, so I looked through his floors.

And then there was one girl.

9:55

I was like, oh, who is this?

And my friend told me that him and her had a thing.

Now I just kind of felt weird about it.

And then I just asked and I was like, oh, who is this person?

And then he starts laughing at me like saying I was overreacting that like it was just a friend and that they had a thing, but nothing happened.

10:11

And he basically told me to like, calm down that it wasn’t a big deal.

So it made me feel kinda shitty.

And I was like, OK.

And I I never.

And I was shocked when that happened because I was like, he’s so nice.

You know, he’s going to be supportive and understanding.

He was not.

He was like very rude about it.

10:28

And I was like, I just had a question.

Yeah, I feel like that’s such a normal thing at that age to not only to follow everybody because you just follow everybody on social media, but also like, as I remember as a young girl, like when, you know, there’s an ex of whatever caliber, sometimes there’s just that weird jealousy.

10:45

And it’s not because that person, I mean, for me at least, not because that person actually matters, but you just learning your own self value.

You’re curious.

You don’t know, like, what they like about them that maybe I don’t have it, right.

Like it’s just like this uncertainty about your own lack of confidence, I guess, is what I’m saying, Right.

11:00

Like, at least that’s how I experience that yes, my husband how many people I was jealous of early on in our relationship, even though nothing happened.

So that happens.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When you’re.

Young too, but like.

Because we were 19 when we met, too.

So it’s like, yeah.

And also, I didn’t know what was kind of like normal and what was OK, what was not, he said.

11:16

That was what happened.

So I just kind of brushed it off and, you know, I got over it too.

Wasn’t something that I was like dragging on, but I was just kind of like how he reacted was what stuck with me.

I was, I was just gonna say like the red flag there.

If we were to like pull the story and and start like identifying red flags out of it, I would say the red flag there is not the social media or the following or the.

11:44

The red flag is how he reacted to how you felt about it.

Yeah, exactly right.

Yeah.

Like to tell you to feel differently.

I feel like that is.

Like 100% for just now her feelings.

But yeah, yeah, he’s reacting.

Right.

Yeah, just like his, his reaction of you and to tell you that how you’re feeling is not important.

12:05

I mean, you take any subject out of it and input that, that’s a red flag.

Yeah, big time, Hank.

Yeah, but at the time I was just like, Oh yeah, it was nothing.

You know?

It’s nothing.

It’s small, but it’s just like I realized overtime, like when you’re expressing something to your partner or your best friend or whoever, they really care about you.

12:22

They will support you and reassure you.

And also they will not make you feel shitty for feeling what you’re feeling.

And especially if you’re confiding in them, you’d think all like, this person’s gonna reassure me and, you know, support me, but no, not the other way around.

So I was just kind of shocked and then eventually I got over it, but I, yeah, definitely stuck around for a bit longer.

12:43

A safe person will never make you feel shitty, and if they do, they will once they know about it, they will always apologize because that was never their intention.

So that was the first one when you were four or five months in and then like we’re things still good otherwise like that was just your first.

Moment.

Yeah, it was just like the first one.

12:59

And then I’ve noticed it could be anything about me expressing my feelings about something, whether it’s something he did or just talking about a regular situation.

And it would always come off how he’d react.

It would come off as if I was doing something wrong.

Like how I’m feeling is not valid.

13:16

So a lot of, there was a lot of invalidation and just a lot of like, you know, just not wanting to deal with it because I know he’s struggled to open up with his feelings.

But it just felt like I was more of a punching bag.

And I didn’t really realize it till later.

Yeah.

And it was just like, subtle things, like, it could be the tiniest thing.

13:34

I’m trying to remember of another our scenario.

Um, there was one where he wanted to smoke with his coworkers alone after work late at night and there were two girls and I told them I wasn’t comfortable with that.

13:52

And I remember it was a whole blow up.

This was around a year end to the relationship.

And I’m like, he’s like, but they’re my coworkers.

We smoke sometimes and I’m like, but alone in a car, like that’s just weird to me.

I I was like.

OK.

Especially like if it was just going to happen, fine.

But to be specific to you, to say no, no, yeah, we need to be alone.

14:09

Yeah, he was like, he was like, it’s just us too.

And I was like, us three, sorry.

And I’m like, so it’s you and two girls alone.

He’s like, yeah.

And I’m like, so I when I, when I listen to someone explaining something, I try to put myself in their shoes and vice versa.

14:25

Like I’m like, OK, how would he feel if I was smoking with two dudes alone in a car?

Would he be OK?

Like I asked him that.

He’s like, ohhhhh, I wouldn’t like that blah, blah, blah.

He’s like, but you know, if they’re your coworkers or your friends, I wouldn’t really care.

But I’m like deep down I think you would like, I don’t know.

14:40

I’m not trying to, you know, tell him how he should feel, but I’m like, I just didn’t like it.

Like I was, it’s kind of weird to me.

That was weird.

I was like 21 and I was like, please.

Like I was like, it just sounds weird.

I would rather, you know, especially cause like 11:00 at night, like that’s it’s weird.

14:57

I like some of these things he was portraying to be normal and to me never sat right with me.

And I realized overtime, like I wasn’t trying to also control him.

I was just trying to have more boundaries.

But it came off as control, which is probably my like, my fault, you know, like maybe I was too pushy on it, but I’m like, it’s just weird.

15:17

No, I don’t see that as normal.

I don’t think that’s your fault.

I think that goes back to the first red flag that we were talking about.

It’s like you had a feeling about something it at that point both everybody’s feelings are valid, so his and yours.

You you’re allowed to feel how you feel, period.

15:36

Somebody coming in and telling you not to feel that way is like it goes back to that first red flag, right?

Like he’s telling you it’s normal, but if it doesn’t feel right to you then it doesn’t feel right to you like.

One like exactly like again, a safe person would be like, I didn’t think of it from your perspective.

15:54

It happened already.

Sorry, won’t do it again.

Do you know what I mean?

Like it’s a different thing maybe anymore loving conversation than that, but it would be like there would be more of that or like it’s happened multiple times like here’s like, is there a way to make you feel comfortable with it?

Like what if you come or something like that, right?

16:10

Versus just invalidating like most sudden invalidating your feelings around.

It and I remember when these things would happen, it would never necessarily be solved.

It would just be a back and forth until one of us is like, OK, whatever, you’re right.

You know, it would never actually be solved in a healthy way.

16:26

It would just be like whatever, you’re right, or hey, I’m just not going to do it because you keep begging me not to or whatever the case may be.

And that’s what I felt like started off like the unhealthy patterns because that’s how it always was.

It was the same with like any arguments, even if it was bad blowups, it’d be the same thing.

16:43

It didn’t feel any of it never felt genuine, like it just felt like it was constant, like we’re just fighting at each other instead of fighting together towards the problem because that’s just my mindset when I’m with a partner.

We’re fighting and going out the problem together, not at each other.

We’re not at war to like at each other.

17:00

We’re in it together.

So like it just felt like he had it at me.

I don’t know why.

I don’t know why.

I really didn’t like, I don’t know and.

Do you do you feel like we’re there like a lot of good times in between these fights and these moments like.

17:17

They’re worried, Yeah.

When?

We catch.

You in?

Really.

Yeah.

We connected really well.

You know, I also connected really well with his family.

You know, sometimes I go over for dinner and movie games.

Like it would be really fun.

Like we had a lot of fun times or with friends.

But a lot of the stuff in between, there was a lot of chaos.

17:34

Like there was a lot of fights.

There was a lot of just just negative aura, I guess.

But I never really realized until later when I left, which was not long ago.

And that’s when I started reflecting like, damn, I let a lot slide.

I can’t lie.

We like us swimming.

17:50

I feel like we do let a lot slide and we leave when it’s like our last straw.

And I feel like that’s just not healthy to do because we shouldn’t have to wait this long until someone drains your energy to leave the relationship.

Yeah.

18:05

So can you tell us about that?

Like what at what point were you like, this is not healthy, I have to get out of this?

Or did you decide you had to leave?

Or did he leave you?

Or like what happened?

There.

So I mentally and emotionally checked out in December of 2024, and I remember this.

We were in his car, we were in the parking lot.

18:23

We were just talking about whatever.

Like we were goofing around, making jokes, and we were disagreeing on something.

I can’t remember what it was.

I realized this with myself.

I tend to forget what we were arguing about because then the argument becomes a whole different topic about what we were actually talking about.

18:39

We disagreed on something and then it escalated.

He started saying like really horrible things.

He starts shouting like a like a child.

And I’m not, I’m not exaggerating, like screaming.

And then he’s punching his steering wheel, He’s hitting the dashboard.

He’s going in and out of his car, slamming his door, going to my side, opening my door, screaming in my face, slamming the door, going back in the car, slamming the door.

19:00

And then, yeah, it was bad.

And then, you know, when a kid is crying so loud and so long, it like annoys you.

Yeah, that’s how I felt.

And then I literally was like, I looked up to the to the ceiling.

I got in the car and I was like, Jesus Christ.

19:15

And he looks at me.

He’s like, don’t you fucking say Jesus Christ?

Like holy fuck, like this.

So disrespectful.

How would you feel if I called you a Muslim bitch?

And I was like, and I was like this.

Oh my God.

And I was, I was just sitting there and I’m like, this was also after and which I’ll talk about later like in a little bit.

19:36

This was after the cheating cause the cheating happened last February 2024.

So like I let a lot slide even after.

So he cheated on you?

Did you know about?

That yeah, this was like after.

So like, OK, yeah.

And then the cheating was yeah, I’ll definitely, yeah, yeah, yeah.

19:53

So that’s when I mentally checked out and then January came around and this will be one of the like couple of stories I mentioned.

Um, January was like the month of like.

I don’t know.

Things were going downhill.

20:09

We were at the gym together, We would fight.

It was bad.

Not, not like screaming at each other, but it was bad.

We went to the gym together one day and he wanted me to do his workout, but our goals at the gym were different.

So at the time I was like, hey, like, I just kind of want to hit lower bodies today.

20:27

Like I don’t really want to do upper.

He’s like, OK.

And then we agreed that I do my own work workout.

He’ll do his and then I’m at the leg press machine.

I’m doing my thing.

He’s doing his upper.

And I could see from a distance something’s bothering him.

I could just see it, the agitation, I can just feel it.

And I was like, OK, you know, I’m giving him the time and space because him and I, we’ve talked a lot of how to better communicate.

20:47

So I didn’t want to be the person to just step on toes and be like, why are you mad?

You know, if you’re mad or something’s bugging you, come talk to me.

So I was giving him that space and then I walked past him.

Eventually I was hey, how’s it workout going?

And he’s like, fine, I’m OK.

21:02

So I go back to my workout.

I’m like, OK, I know he’s not fine.

But again, I’m not gonna push on it because every time I pushed, it was not good.

So I just kind of minded my own business.

I did my workout and I see him coming at me at a distance.

He starts going off on me, but I’m not doing his workout, starts complaining about the shorts I’m wearing is going at me.

21:21

And then I’m like, and this came out of nowhere because we came into the gym together as I was wearing the same clothes.

He didn’t say anything.

Like it was just odd, like very odd reaction and behavior because I’m like, you weren’t bothered when we were walking in.

It’s just now that I decided I didn’t want to do your workout.

21:38

It’s a whole thing.

And then he eventually calmed down and he was like mad at himself for reacting the way he did.

And he chucks his air pods at across the gym like his Airpod case.

He like through and I looked around, I’m like, people are looking like I was so embarrassed and I’m like, and I ended up being the one comforting him because that’s just me.

21:59

I’m that person.

You can say the most horrible thing to me.

If I see that you’re down, I’ll try and pick you up.

And that’s not always good because then you know, I’m giving too much to somebody in this observant.

And then the gym has really, you know, it’s not the first time where we’d go in and we’d have a blow up or an argument about something.

22:18

I remember making it clear to him, I’m like, you are not going to take away my safe space here by complaining and fighting with me.

Like if something’s wrong, you talk to me like a man in a healthy way.

Do not do not drag it into the gym.

Be all petty.

I’m the way it’s throw things like that’s just not OK.

22:33

Yeah.

In public is embarrassing.

And I was like, I and I looked and I left that gym shortly after the breakup.

I left it.

I couldn’t.

It was like I tried going there after and it just didn’t.

It wasn’t the same.

I just kept reminding me of all the bad stuff that happened and I was like, I need to get out of here.

22:49

Yeah.

So that was in January.

So when did you guys officially break up?

I ended it.

March 1st, ironically was on the first day of Ramadan and it wasn’t intentional.

Like it wasn’t me planning it like weeks ahead or months ahead being like I’m gonna plan March 1st to break up with him.

23:06

It just kind of happened.

Like I was really reflecting.

I was working 2 full time and I thought a lot about what happened because January was just terrible because a lot of bad stuff happened.

Lots of things were brought up.

I also should mention some of the stories there, because we’re talking about the topic.

23:24

We had another.

This was a different day too.

We were talking about my trip to Brazil, which was in June, and in January when we were talking about it, he started telling me or Mona, when you go to Brazil, if you did stuff there, I wouldn’t blame you.

23:40

And I’m like, what do you mean by that?

And then I, he said, you know, he’s like, because, you know, I cheated on you in February.

Like if you go to Brazil, like when you have fun with your friend, like I wouldn’t blame you if you cheated on, like basically giving me a car to go and do stuff.

And I was mad because I’m like, I’ve never given you reason not to trust me.

23:57

Like the fact that you can say that to me and I like, it just came out of nowhere.

It just shocked me.

I was like, what?

My started laughing because I’m like who says that?

Like like this is at this point you’re like what, 2-3 years into a relationship?

Yeah, we were.

24:13

We were when I ended it, we were together for about 4 / 4 years, four years and four months or something like that.

Yeah.

That’s wild.

Yeah.

And I’m like, what?

It just came out of nowhere and I’m like, this whole time it just felt like he wasn’t really taking.

At least for me, it didn’t come off as if he was fully taking accountability.

24:31

It was just like, if you cheat on me, we’re even.

Like if you go to Brazil for this and we’re still together, like we’re even.

So I just keep these school.

He didn’t say those, but.

That’s better.

Like to me, yeah.

Like it felt like if I did it hypothetically, then to him it would be like, oh, we’re even now.

24:47

Yeah.

And then there was.

Yeah.

Well, what other?

You talked about Kelowna story too there.

Were the Kelowna Oh yeah, sorry.

I’ll mention the mirror selfie one first.

OK, OK, so the mirror selfie social media.

I posted a mirror selfie photo.

It wasn’t like anything crazy or explicit.

25:04

I’ll point that out right now is just like a mere selfie.

You know, my stomach was showing a little bit, a little bit of my underwear, whatever.

It wasn’t like full on, like, you know, I posted it back in September, October of last year.

And I remember he responded to his call.

He looks so beautiful, blah blah.

25:19

I’m like, OK, I posted that same photo in January, same photo.

And then he starts texting me really dry, very dry.

And I’m like, I instantly knew why.

But again, I was kind of testing him.

I was like, let me see if he’ll communicate.

Obviously didn’t.

25:35

And then what’s it called?

Then I was like, OK, he’s being dry so I’m not gonna say anything.

And we’re just sending snaps to each other about blank.

It’s not saying anything back and forth for Oh my goodness.

And because I wasn’t fighting on it normally, like I would be like, tell me what’s wrong.

I know something’s wrong.

25:50

He sent me a snap of him laughing and I saved it in the chat and I remember this of him laughing.

It’s a snap photo he wrote.

That ain’t my fucking girl right there.

OHS.

I remember sitting in the chat saving on my camera.

I wish I had it, but that’s fine.

But yeah, no, I was like, I was like a man.

26:09

You have the option of going to your woman being like, hey, you posted this.

It made me uncomfortable over it says, oh, do I disrespect my woman that I claim I love?

And I’m trying to rebuild the relationship because you know, or what he goes constantly on the, the bad side.

26:25

He will always he will.

He would never, and I never understood this even up till now.

I never understood why he would do that instead of doing things the right way.

Because that’s how all the cheating happened.

Because um, ah, I personally felt like there was a lot of insecurities, especially after the cheating, because he was like, damn, like I messed up.

26:46

And I know like if money were to go and do something, I can’t blame her.

Like that kind of thing.

And it was also that photo.

I don’t know why he was really mad about it because I posted it before and it was just like a really odd behavior.

I’ve noticed again, that kind of pattern.

27:02

He would react a certain way in a good way for one thing, and then he’d switch up on it the next.

And I get very confused on it.

I’d be like, but you were OK with it.

Now you’re not.

So what’s friend?

Yeah, like, yeah.

Other than like if he lied and was like, you know, I never was good about it.

27:18

I was just pretending.

That’s not my fault.

Like I can’t, yeah.

Yeah.

And then that’s when what’s called Kelowna happened.

It was in 2024.

This was before the whole photo thing, before the checking out as well.

27:35

April 2024.

That was two months after the cheating.

We went to Kelowna and it was fine.

We went for his work.

And that was our first, first trip together too, actually.

And I remember it was fun, you know, we went to his work.

27:51

It was good the first night.

Second night was not it.

Second night was when I, I drank a little bit.

I was a bit tipsy and he was not drinking.

We were in the hotel lobby.

We were, we had a whole thing going there and his worker told him to drink.

28:07

He’s like, I’m not feeling it.

And then she was kind of drunk and she was like, oh wow, you’re such a grandpa as a joke.

And I laughed.

I chuckled and then he looks at me, walks away and I’m like, why is he walking away?

So I go after him.

He starts going off at me, but why?

I like laughed and whatever, basically blaming me for the whole thing and I’m like, I’m so sorry.

28:29

Like I, I didn’t mean to like it just came out and I’m like, I thought it was funny.

Like I thought you thought you it was funny.

It wasn’t like like fucking funny.

Like I don’t want to drink.

Like there’s nothing wrong with not drinking, but I’m like, no, I know, but I was just, I just thought it was funny.

I don’t know.

Just joke.

With them.

And then he’s like, give me like a break, whatever.

28:46

He’s like, he wants to go and breathe.

I’m like, OK, he goes outside and then he sends me a message.

She’s like, I’ll be back soon.

I’m like, OK, I just give him a few minutes.

Whatever sends me another message.

He’s like, you know, actually I don’t think I’m a come back to the hotel today and he has a key card.

He has a key card and I had his location, so I went outside.

29:03

Anyways, I was like, I’m not gonna fucking like wait here for you and like stress on you right now.

Like I need the key card.

And I go outside.

He sees me.

He starts screaming at me to go back anxiety like go inside.

Like I don’t wanna see you, but give me the key card.

He’s like, no.

And I’m like, Oh my God, that my stress level goes through the roof.

I go to the front desk and asking the lady, hey, we lost our key card can we get a new one?

29:23

And she was like oh like we need his ID because it’s under his name.

I’m like, I couldn’t do anything.

And then I’m like, OK, so he eventually comes in and I see him go up in the elevator with his coworker or whatever and I’m like trying to get it.

I I ran to the elevator but I missed him.

And then I’m like freaking out.

29:39

Like I don’t know what to do.

Like I’m all alone.

He just yelled at me, said all these things.

I’m bawling my eyes out.

I’m like, Oh my God.

I can’t even get in my room.

Yeah, he just left me there and he’s going up and down, whatever.

And then I eventually catch him and I’m like, I’m sorry for laughing at you, but like how you’re treating me and talking to me is not OK Like it’s not OK.

29:57

And then I was like, give me the key card.

He doesn’t want to give me the key card.

Then eventually we’re in this upstairs lobby because they had another lobby.

He was sitting on the couch and I was telling him.

I was like, I was just telling him how I felt.

And I was like, how you’re reacting right now is really like upsetting me because I understand you’re upset, but you’re being like, you know, I use the word Dick.

30:15

I was like, you’re being a Dick right now.

Like respectfully, you’re being a Dick.

How you talk to me and he throws his phone across like at the wall really hard.

I was surprised the phone did not break.

I was so surprised.

Even the wall was fine.

I was so surprised and I’m like Oh my goodness like I’m done.

And then I walked away and he followed me and we went into the elevator cause we were, we finally were deciding to go back to the room.

30:36

And then he starts going off at me in the elevator and I’m just sitting there.

I’m just against the wall like this, like I’m not saying anything.

And then he gets mad and throws a punch at me but hits the wall behind.

Me.

Oh my.

Goodness and I like I saw it coming so fast and I like shielded myself with my my hands, but my nail got stuck and then like on his arm or whatever so my nail broke.

30:56

I remember that it hurt and then I like he just hit the wall behind me screaming in my face.

We got to the whole time just balling and eventually he calms down.

He apologizes and like we made-up to whatever, but I that was a moment I never forget because especially as like a first.

31:12

Terrifying.

Yeah, it was terrifying.

It was actually scary.

Like I’ve never been scared of a guy like this my life.

And then that was the Colonna story.

And up till now I never forget it.

I never forget it because it was one of the scariest moment in my life because I really thought I was gonna hit me.

31:29

Yeah, Even though he did.

And thank God.

But like, I really thought he was.

Yeah.

And it was bad.

It was really bad.

I was like, I wanna go home, but I know I can’t.

We leave in 2 days.

So you were you stuck around for a whole another year?

A year basically.

Give him a whole year after the cheating.

31:46

Who basically make up for it, but not in the sense of a, I didn’t set up like a deadline.

I wasn’t like, oh, you have a year to do it.

That’s why around the time that we talked about the cheating and I asked him, you know, well, he told me he cheated ironically falls into the same same year, a year later.

32:05

That’s when I ended it.

And it was, it was ironic, like I, it wasn’t intentional.

It wasn’t intending on that, but the cheating part was the big thing because, um, he actually implied that he wanted to cheat on me months before he did it months before, but I didn’t, I didn’t think he would.

32:23

He just we had an argument.

He snapped at me while he was on his trip back home with his family.

He snapped at me on the phone.

He said he needed an outlet, starts telling me all these things he wanted to do.

And I was really upset because I literally told him I was like, you just implied that you wanted to cheat on me.

32:39

He’s like, I know He’s like, you know, I would never hurt you, never, you know, cheat on you, would never break your heart, blah, blah, blah.

Then two months later he cheated on me.

And then I remember this, he took me out on a date.

He asked me one of his I wanna take another day and I thought it was really nice.

32:54

Like he hasn’t asked me on a date in awhile.

So that would be nice.

We went on a date.

It was good.

And that was the red flag right there.

And I should have known that I’m I think it was delulu.

We were sitting we were having our meal.

Any randomly asked me this question.

Hey Mona, would you ever forgive your partner if they cheated?

33:11

On me.

And I’m like, I’m like, no, I start saying no, I’m like, I would leave.

Like, you know, And I’m like, no, I don’t think I’d stick around because like, there’s no point.

Like, you know, like you already made a choice, blah, blah.

He’s like, oh, and you could see it in his face.

But again, I was so clueless.

33:26

I really didn’t know.

He was like, oh, umm.

And I’m like, yeah.

And then we ended the night.

It was fine.

Then four days later, like we had Valentine’s Day.

Then three days after that or two days after that, we were on FaceTime and he was acting really weird.

33:45

Like I noticed it for the past few days after the cheating.

Like he’s been acting weird, but I didn’t know.

And I was like, like, something feels off.

And I remember I called him because he was like, oh, no, no, I don’t deserve you.

Like you always deserve better.

And I was like, why you saying that?

He’s like, never mind.

And I’m like, no, tell me like, why are you saying that?

Yeah.

34:00

And then he’s like, you could see it in his face.

And I was like, I was asking the question, though, like, did you do something?

He’s like, yeah, I’m like, does it have to do with us?

He’s like, yes.

And I’m like, what would you do?

Like did you do anything like unfaithful or cheat on me?

34:15

Not his head on FaceTime and my jaw.

I start laughing because I thought he was kidding.

I thought he was like playing a mind game on me.

But then he starts crying and I’m.

Like, Oh my God.

I’m like, I’m like what?

So I told him tell me what happened.

He’s he’s telling me everything and I’m like, I didn’t know how to react.

34:32

Like I didn’t cry right away.

It took me a little bit but I was shocked.

I was OK.

I can’t do this over the phone.

I was like, I need to see you in person.

We meet in person right away and I’m like, I just got in the car and I’m like, why?

I asked him why he starts crying like I don’t know, I feel so stupid blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

34:47

It’s just everything we’ve been through and I felt like I needed an outlet but he’s like, I know what’s wrong and I shouldn’t have done that.

Like and I, I was shocked and I wanted to know all the details that he did, all the details and he told me and I was just shocked because the stuff that he implied on doing when he was on his trip, he did them.

35:07

And that’s the craziest thing is like, you know, I’ve asked my husband that like early in our years, like, what would you do if someone cheated?

And it’s like, it’s more of like, well, depends on the situation, right?

Is this a long term emotional blah, blah, blah, you’re all involved or premeditated versus like, I got super drunk, accidentally kissed somebody or like whatever.

35:26

And then I was like, Oh my God.

And like panicked, right?

Like what happened is different.

The fact that he had like this premeditated plan, had expressed this plan to you and then went through it and then tries to act like he’s sorry.

And that was shortly after Valentine’s Day too.

35:42

And I remember for Valentine’s Day, I set up a whole thing.

I set up a whole painting on his table, like like a canvas painting, flower petals, chocolate, strawberries, you know, whatever.

And I made sure he was in his room.

Like I don’t want him to see me setting it up.

And I remember doing that and I was like, I felt good about it.

35:59

I felt really good about it.

Cause I was like, you know, it’s gonna be cute, something different.

And then days later he cheated on me like a day or couple days later.

And that’s why like Valentine’s Day, when the, the one this year came around, I was so nervous and it was OK.

Like I just realized he wasn’t, this was the year I realized he wasn’t in the space that I need a man to be emotionally and mentally.

36:23

Yeah, like let alone physically.

Cause I realized I wasn’t safe with him, whether that’s physically, again, emotionally, mentally I was not safe with him.

I got to a point where I felt so drained.

And I remember speaking to one of his friends and I saw her thinking about a week or two ago and telling her when we were on our on our way to your birthday party.

36:43

I remember it was February 21st, 2025 this year.

I he picked me up.

We were going to her birthday and he pulls to the side because I start crying.

I just told him I was like, I feel nothing like I’m not holding his.

I was like when I look at you like I just feel nothing like I feel nothing with what we had.

37:01

And I was like, I don’t know why.

I was like, maybe it’s like temporary, but I didn’t know.

And then I remember I didn’t want to go to the party, but like, you know, I had to.

I put a fake face on.

I was like, you know, I wanna go for a birthday.

I don’t wanna ruin it.

And I told her this when I saw her.

And I told her everything that happened.

37:17

She did not know.

And this was only like a week or two ago.

And the amount of relief I felt telling her was like, so nice in a way because like, for so long in that relationship, I felt like I couldn’t say anything.

I didn’t use my voice.

I mean, I chose not to, but it was also because I didn’t know how to use it.

I was like, do I like, I don’t want to come off like I’m, you know, a bitch trying to expose him.

37:37

But it felt so lonely even going to his house, talking to his family, knowing what he did and has done.

And I just sometimes when I would be alone with his mom, I like had urges of just being like, your son is doing these things and has done these things and I didn’t know how to get out of it.

Do you mean the cheating or the yelling and screaming at all the things all?

37:54

Things.

OK, yeah, yeah.

And like, because I realized it was just not going to go anywhere, but it took a lot of time out of me to really recognize and actually do something about it because ending it was not easy so either.

But I always remain like mature, but I don’t like do the whole I’m ending over the phone.

38:12

I actually met him in person.

I was like, you know, but he just thought we were going for coffee.

And I remember when he came, there was a I told him to get in my car.

When he got there, it’s like, OK, he gets in my car and I’m like, it’s I’m fasting like it’s Ramadan and was like, I’m fasting.

So OK, get coffee.

38:28

Like it’s in my car.

He’s like, are you OK season?

I’m bawling my eyes out like, no, we need to talk about us.

And he sighs.

He’s just like and I’m like, Yep.

And I told him how I felt and I’m like, I just don’t, I’m not feeling it with you.

Like I I need to heal.

I told him that because I realize like, um, the big thing like I’ve learned is when someone is the reason for your, you know, mental health not doing well, you can’t heal from that.

38:53

They’re still in your life.

Yeah.

You have to cut, you have to basically cut the things or cut the people that are impacting that.

And that’s what I did.

And it was hard.

It was definitely really hard.

And I felt so bad because it was my best friend’s birthday.

I was going to her house right after is for her birthday.

And I was like Oh my goodness, March 1st and six months.

39:12

Now it’s been 6 months and my life has changed drastically.

Like so much good and bad.

Like it was a whole rollercoaster.

Now I feel like it’s been settling really well.

I’d say the past month or two now.

Are there any stories about the relationship specifically that you still want to tell us of?

39:29

Like scary moment?

OK I’m going to read things off.

So we had red flags where the Colonna story, the car story, the Jim story and action towards family.

Action, yeah.

So the action and towards family was more about subtle things.

Like I remember I picked them up one day and he’s allergic to bees, so he needs an eppi pen with him.

39:49

And I remember it was summer and I was like, oh, like, did you bring your penny?

Was like, no, I don’t need it.

And his mom comes like, hey, you forgot your happen.

And he’s like, I don’t need it.

And he’s just going back and forth with her.

But I don’t need it.

I don’t wanna bring it.

Like, like it felt like watching a kid throwing a tantrum respectfully.

40:05

Like I was like, what?

I was like, just take the freaking eppi pen.

Like bring it with you.

It’s not going to hurt you.

Like it’s supposed to save your life.

And I was like, and then he starts going, he gets always talking to his mom for like 5 minutes.

I’m like, Oh my goodness, just take it.

It would just be little things like subtle things like that.

40:20

Or if I’d be at his house, I would hear just a little.

You could sound, you could hear the frustration in his voice sometimes.

And I’m like, why are you frustrated over this?

Like, like it never made sense to me.

It could be the tiniest thing, like why are you so stressed and frustrated?

And I understand, you know, family members, sometimes they can get on your nerves, like I get that, but it’s just little things.

40:40

I never understood it.

Just the way he spoke to them sometimes just out of anger.

You could see it, you could hear it and you could feel like it’s just so like you don’t want to mess with them if he’s mad like and it’s not fun feeling, but that’s what I mean by like action and.

40:55

It’s the way he treated his family, essentially.

Yeah, Yeah.

Do you know what’s so interesting about that is you talk about like you bring something up that is, it feels big to you, but it’s, it’s so interesting because like you’re talking about like, hey, I feel wrong about I don’t like that you’re sitting in a car with two girls at 11:00 at night by yourself and he’s like, you’re making a big deal out of nothing, right?

41:22

Like he’s calling, he’s telling you your feelings about that or about things that are bigger, yet he gives himself the permission to explode over.

Something is supposed to.

Say little things like you not doing his workout at the gym.

41:37

Like there is a massive difference between you not doing his workout at the gym or his mom trying to bring his eppi pen and him sitting in a car with two women at night like it’s a balance is it does not make sense.

There was a lot of like narcissistic gaslighting, like patterns that I’ve noticed, like they’re at the whole relationship.

41:56

You had a whole bunch of lists of things that were disrespected.

Ohe yeah, I know I have a lot on.

There, do you want me to read some of those?

Yes.

You had expressions of emotions, which I.

Feel like yeah, which was kind of what I’ve.

Dragging family into drama.

Hi.

OK, I forgot about that.

42:12

It would again, it would be like we’d be talking.

Or if it’s always about disagreements, when disagreements happen, it would blow up to freaking nothing.

Then we end up talking about another thing rather than what it started it.

That’s why a lot of the toxicity came.

But anyways, that would be just like we could be arguing with me.

42:30

If we’re not seeing eye to eye, he’ll be like, bro, like if you don’t stop right now, I’m gonna start.

I’m gonna bring my mom into this right now.

He tried.

He’s dragged my sister into many arguments as well, is hung up on me to call my sister.

He wagged his mom into it or he’d be like, I’m gonna talk to my mom about this and I’d be like, and again, this was something we talked about not doing because I really tried to make things work.

42:52

I was like, I say this working.

If we cut these things off, not do this or do this, like we agreed on it.

And then I would kind of mention and be like, Oh, but we discussed it.

He’s like, I don’t give a fucking mud right now, Like I don’t give a fuck about what was said, what was promised, Like I’m mad and I’m like, what is the point?

43:09

What is the point of trying to be better if you’re just going to let yourself be mad?

Basically forget anything that we’ve ever like.

Yeah, so it would.

It would just all the time.

Even with my friends, too.

It’s so embarrassing.

And I’m like, that is humiliating.

So interesting he like what an interesting.

43:27

Tactic High school.

It felt like high.

School, Yeah, what an interesting tactic to use with you.

Weird you had silent treatment.

Yeah, sometimes when we’d fight, he’d be very avoidant, not wanna talk about his silent, like he would hang up on me, decline my calls, like all of that.

43:46

Very like I’m gonna push you away, I’m not gonna talk to you.

It could be like in the middle of an argument.

He he’s not even like respectful about it.

He’d be like, I’m like, he’ll say something awful, hang up the phone, not even talk about it.

I do remember like moment where we were talking again.

44:02

Argument.

It’s always arguments about stupid things.

He was at work and then you have to step up because we were arguing and then he’s blaming.

He threw his phone on the floor and I could see it.

I could see the whole thing and he started like stomping on his phone, very aggressive, screaming.

44:19

And I’m like, you’re at work, like outside your work.

That’s so embarrassing.

Like I was like, what am I dealing with here?

Like what am I doing?

Like it’s just like full blowouts.

It could be like about the like the littlest thing.

It could be a small disagreement on something and it’s somehow blows up because he’ll say things to have nothing to do with it.

44:38

Then I’d get upset and I’m expressing to him that that upset me.

And he’d be like, but you did this.

You said this like very it would just be a back and forth and silent treatment was a lot if I remember.

Like I even told him, I don’t know how you go to bed knowing what you said and did and you go to bed peacefully while I’m up crying at night.

44:59

Like it’s so sad and I’m like, I’m crying at like 2:00 in the morning because you don’t have like talk and I’m here like feeling and he’s but I do care.

And when I would say it seems like you don’t care, you get mad.

They be like, but I do care.

Like you’re not showing.

It.

Yeah.

You don’t actually know how to show that you care.

Yes.

45:14

You don’t treat me that way.

Yeah.

Yeah, so there was a lot of that.

Silent treatment was no fun.

There was no fun.

It’s actually like chaotics.

Yeah.

It’s so stressful.

I’m gonna ask a question that sometimes people ask this question of people that have been in abusive relationships, but they ask in a really demeaning, judgmental kind of way.

45:43

So I’m gonna flip the script a little bit and because I hate when people say like, well, why did you stay?

I that is, I think the worst question you can ask somebody.

So I’m going to flip the script and I’m going to say because I think it’s important for people to be able to kind of understand this from a different perspective.

46:02

If they know somebody that’s in a relationship or they find themselves in this relationship, I’m not gonna ask you why you stayed.

I’m gonna ask you what kept you in, what kept you engaged in the relationship that like, you know, let’s go back to the car, for example.

46:20

So something the relationship kept progressing past that.

This is not in judgment and I’m not saying why did you stay.

I’m saying what kept you in, what kept you engaged and wanting to try to save the relationship if you could kind of pinpoint.

46:36

That honestly, it was because I cared too much, but I care too much and that was something I learned after.

Like you loved him and you.

Wanted it and I was like, and also I was scared to leave.

I was scared not that I think he’d do anything, but just like I was just scared to leave because then I knew where that comes with it consists of like not talking this family anymore, not but you know, mutual friends potentially, you know, we’re all, you know, I’m not going to speak to them again or they might not want anything to do with me because I ended it like it was like overwhelming.

47:10

I was more worried about other people on him to be honest.

Like I was more worried about losing connection than him, but I was like, also, words really stuck with me.

Like when people say the right things, it actually sticks with me because, yeah, it’s nice to hear these things.

Oh, I wanna be better for you, blah, blah, blah.

47:26

I wanna get help.

Whatever the case may be.

That was like the motivator of me staying.

But then over time, that’s when I learned the action speaks louder than words.

But because since I was young, I could hear a word and I’ll fall for it right away.

And something I’ve been learning even recently.

Because our words are never enough.

47:43

You gotta show.

It Do you think he took advantage of that?

Do you think he knew that about you and took advantage?

Of it, I think he did, whether he and Township did it or not.

But he did because I’ve already shown him that.

I’ve given him a million chances.

So maybe he’s like, oh, she’s going to give me another one.

48:01

And yeah, but knowing me, when I’m done with someone or something, I’m done.

Like you will never hear from me again.

I try to avoid it, right?

Yeah, like you will not hear from me.

I’ll make sure of it too.

Even if it, even if I don’t end up blocking the person, like if they try to reach out, which is what also happened.

48:20

I’m not gonna like say a word to you anymore.

Once I’m done mentally, emotionally with somebody, I’m done.

And yeah, but that’s just what made me stay.

I don’t know why.

And honestly, I asked, I asked myself this yesterday.

I asked myself this for like almost every day.

48:36

Why did it say the song?

And I talked to my friends about it and I talked to my sisters about it.

And like, I don’t know why I said this song.

I really didn’t.

Because when I was also like writing notes and stuff, I was like, I let a lot slide.

I told myself I was like, damn, that’s a lot.

Because I know for a fact if I knew somebody went through that, I’d be like, you need to get out of there right away.

48:56

Respectfully, even though leaving is never easy.

Because as you know, that was my first relationship too.

A lot of it was seemed to be normal, like it was deemed to be normal.

Whether that was the things that he was doing that was disrespectful or to me, you know, it didn’t sit well.

49:12

Write or lust, because lust was a big one too.

Wandering eyes, you know, all that stuff.

I, they were deemed to be normal.

You know, society makes it normal.

Lots of people make it normal.

And I realized that that wasn’t normal.

I mean, since I was really young, I knew what I wanted.

49:28

And it sounds crazy.

Like growing up, I knew like what I wanted, whether it was like in a friendship relationship, I knew what I wanted.

So when it was not shown to me, it was very weird to me.

But it was the norm initially.

And I hate using the word normal because that shouldn’t have been normal.

That’s so hard though.

49:44

That’s so hard.

And I, I imagine like there’s an extra added layer of challenge here because it was your first relationship.

That is, I think that’s a really, I think that’s a really big that presents you with a bigger challenge because you don’t have something to go back on and be like, Oh, well, that’s different from, you know, like you don’t have that comparison.

50:10

And you’re so young and learning about love and learning about adult relationships and having this voice in your, you know, like having him beside you saying this is what’s normal, this is what’s normal.

That’s hard to kind.

Of yeah.

And like right now I’m in a new relationship too and it’s being shown differently to me.

50:28

And I got so weirded out by I’m like, he’s too nice.

Is that normal?

And I’m like, but you know, it takes time.

And obviously he knows everything that I’ve been through, everything that’s going on.

Like it just takes time.

And the difference from what I’ve learned from my ex to this guy is action is what matters more.

50:49

OK.

I want to ask you coming out of it you’re talking about the aftermath and there’s one thing you wrote down about recognizing your worth and leaving and and boundaries that you created with friend.

Can you speak about?

That yeah.

So when I lost, I really recognize what I deserved.

51:08

I was like, I know this is not it.

I started thinking about like the future, how that’s gonna look in the future because I was told, oh, when we move in together, it’ll be easier.

And I’m like, I don’t think so.

But I started thinking about the future.

This is the person I’m going to marry or have a kid with or kids or whatever the kids may be.

51:25

Like, I didn’t feel the joy when I thought about, oh, I’m going to live with them.

You know, I didn’t feel the joy.

I just felt fear.

So that’s when I was like, OK, damn.

I was like, this is not normal.

Like this is not OK.

If you feel that way with somebody where you feel fearful, scared, even if it’s even scared to talk to them because of something they did or they don’t give you the space to like leave it.

51:49

That’s something I’ve learned a lot.

And boundaries was a big one too, because even after the breakup, I had to set a lot of boundaries and not just with him, but just with myself too.

So I never have to go through that again because I really couldn’t.

Because after I left, I, I’ve been going through a lot of my life personally.

52:07

And May, the month of May was just, I was in a deep like depression.

It was bad.

And I literally was like, I could not go through this again.

Like I was bad.

It was bad.

I went to therapy, started that and didn’t start my healing journey.

I was off work for about a month because I was on a mental health leave.

52:25

It was really bad.

And I don’t, I couldn’t physically handle it.

Like I was like, I don’t think I can again.

So I made a promise to myself that I’d never let myself go through that again.

And giving people chances, especially when they don’t deserve it because I’m all for giving chances, but when it’s this bond in this big, it’s a big no.

52:43

And that’s what I’ve learned.

And it was hard, but I had a lot of people supporting me, which I loved.

And also, I want to give a thank you to my sisters, Halan Becky, because they were there for that and my best friends too, all my friends.

52:59

And I’m so grateful for them.

But that’s when I’ve recognized my worth.

And my sisters didn’t even know any of it happened.

When it happened, I did tell them like a day or two in advance.

I was like, I am ending it.

And I told him that I needed support.

53:16

And when I went up to them, I told them what happened.

They didn’t know anything, like they didn’t know about the cheating or anything.

I told them and they were shocked.

My sisters, they were pissed.

Even Becky, she was pissed.

She was like, oh, you’re so lucky I didn’t tell you this sooner.

53:32

One of those things like you were saying like why didn’t I leave sooner?

There was all these red flags and it was so normalized with normalized.

And I like some of those things, some of them not all.

Some of those things, if they do happen once it is a normal like it is just a I’ve lost control of my emotions.

That was bad.

53:48

I’m going to do better, right?

Like for their one offs by themselves, some of them not the punching in the walls.

No, no, of course that’s a whole.

Different like maybe the throwing the phone not at you, but like getting angry.

Like if you’ve never learned to control your emotions, you can be like, oh shit, that’s something I learned from my parents cause that’s how they dealt theirs.

54:06

I need to get better at that.

Like some of those one offs, yeah, can be like, OK, you’re just learning and growing.

So it’s not, it’s like a yellow flag.

But when you put them all together, they become red flags.

And I think it takes awhile, right, to build those boundaries.

How many red flags can we go by?

How many yellow flags go by before they’re all just read because it’s too much, right?

54:24

Like there’s obvious red flags and then there’s yellow flags.

It’s like maybe you’re learning and you’re trying to do better, but if too many yellow flags go by, they’re all red now.

Yeah.

And so it is a learning process for sure.

And it makes sense that took you that time to to to learn those boundaries and like why you stayed through some of those things, right?

54:42

And I think it’s, to add on to what you’re saying, I think it’s also really difficult to go when you have somebody like that in your ear.

It’s like you’re trying to learn these things and, you know, count the yellow flags to see when they turn into a red flag.

54:59

But you’ve got this powerful voice in your ear.

If you don’t hold yourself and hold your people close and let people in and talk about the yellow flags, it’s very easy to convince yourself they’re just another yellow flag and not a red flag.

It’s so, so easy.

55:15

And I think that’s something that a lot of people don’t understand is how easy it is to go to excuse the behavior and to allow it to continue on is not your fault because it is.

It is very easy to do that.

55:31

And, and especially when you’ve got somebody, like I said, a powerful voice in your ear who’s somebody that you love and you want to protect them and you want to see them do well in life and you’re trying to help them grow while you’re trying to figure your own stuff out.

It’s very complicated.

It is.

Yeah, it is.

55:47

And the big thing too like that, I would say is how they speak behind your back speaks highly of them and volume because I Remember Me and my friend, this was after the breakup.

I’d say two months in, it was like mid-May, late May, and I was at her house and she saw me.

56:05

A thing that she did was have her friend call my ex, put him on speaker, see what he has to say.

And then she called him and put her phone on, no caller ID, and I was there.

He was on speaker and she’s just talking to him.

Just been OK, how are you?

56:20

Like how was everything is it’s fine.

How are you?

And then she’s like, I heard you and Mona broke up.

Like just, and I know it sounds crazy, like it sounds crazy, but I was just curious cause I was like, what is he gonna say behind my back or closed doors, whatever.

And then I’m sure what happened.

He’s like, oh, nothing like I, I just did like he’s like, I messed up, it’s not her fault, blah, blah, blah.

56:40

And then he starts going on in the past about little things that I did like back in like 2021.

Like he starts mentioning how this is a crazy conversation.

I’m my God.

He starts going back in like 2021-2022 when I initially mentioned I was thinking of when I get older.

56:57

I was like, ah, maybe I want to get a baby all when I’m older.

And then he starts what BBL?

What’s that BBL?

Brazilian butt lift.

OHK OK.

Like when I’m older and yeah, we had a whole conversation at the time, he was like, he’s like, no, like I want my woman naturally and whatever.

57:16

But then on the phone with my friend, he starts mentioning that, starts going back to the things that we talked about.

And I was, I was about to go off with that one, but I was like, you know what?

He doesn’t know I’m there.

I’m gonna be the bigger person, but I just want to see what he’d say.

He just starts going on random topics and not once they’re not conversation.

57:31

He was like, hey, I take full accountability.

I was the one that did this like nothing.

He starts going nitpicking at the little things.

And I was shocked that he even talked about it because I was like that like 3 years ago and like we thought it was a casual conversation.

Gosh.

Like what?

57:47

Weird like what?

And it did make sense to me even up till now I was like damn.

And then he actually tried reaching out a couple times.

Twice in July I know once in July, once in August.

July was when he sent me a whole, he sent 2 audio recordings.

58:05

I think one of them was like 9 minutes, the other one was like another 8 or 9 minutes and then a whole long paragraph.

I didn’t listen to them.

I know I was going.

I have it still, but I didn’t know it.

But I didn’t listen to it because I was like, how are you gonna treat me the way you did not only during the relationship, but after two?

58:23

And he said all out like he was just like, not like, I don’t know the way he was talking about me, but like on the phone, ooh, pissed me off.

But I was like, you know, whatever.

So I didn’t answer the messages he sent.

Like, I have not said a word to him since April, April.

58:39

But yeah.

And then he reached out.

I didn’t answer.

And he even told me in July he was like, hey, you don’t have to answer to this because I’m respecting your boundaries.

But I just have to say all this to you before, you know, I let like, you know, he’s like, I didn’t, I never express how grateful I was for you.

58:55

And I didn’t listen to any of it.

So I don’t know what he said in those audios.

And he tried calling me in August.

This was like a couple weeks ago, actually a few weeks ago.

And I remember walking into my house and my phone was buzzing.

And I’m like, and that number looks familiar.

And I was like, no way was I think that time.

59:11

So I looked at my old messages and it was him and I was like, my God.

And I was like, maybe it was a butt dial.

But I, I started going to my sister.

I’m like just called me.

He’s called me, I’m freaking out.

And then she’s like, oh, like maybe it was a butt dial.

But I was like, I don’t think it is because like, we haven’t spoken in awhile.

Yeah, usually, but that people that were most recently.

59:28

Corrected and then and then they didn’t answer.

I was like, I’m not answering.

He calls again.

My sister picks up the phone and she’s like, hello.

Like, hello.

She’s like, what’s up?

He’s like, shit, this is Becky, by the way.

Still funny.

59:43

And he’s like, oht Hi, Becky.

He’s like, I I’m gonna talk to Mona and I apologize to her.

Oh, my God.

And I’m like, and I didn’t say a word, but this was like, oh, well, she already made it clear, like when she broke up with you, her boundaries are.

And also, she already got your voice notes and message back in July.

1:00:01

He’s like, yeah, I just passed the phone.

I just want to apologize to her, that’s all.

That’s what I’m calling.

She’s like, no, like, you can’t just keep trying to contact her.

You know all that.

They’re going like back and forth a little bit, just like, oh, let me talk to her.

She’s like, no, I’m not letting you talk to her.

She’s like, OK, I’m just not gonna contact again, blah blah blah blah, blah.

And then eventually he hung up and I blocked him.

1:00:20

Good for you.

I realize I show blocked him sooner like his number especially but like because when he called I was shaking, my hands were shaking and I didn’t realize how much anxiety I had still because I really thought I was more over it than I thought.

But I’m not and that’s OK, but.

1:00:36

I think those people that hurt you that way might unfortunately might always hold some level of that over you because it be no, it’s no different than any other traumatic event that happens to you, right?

If something really traumatic happens, when there’s something that brings you back to that moment, that pain, that fear, whatever it was you felt in that time, there’s gonna be something and it might not overpower you and I’ll consume you, but there’s probably always going to be some sort of physical response to that that thing, whatever it may.

1:01:04

Be and it does take.

It’s not bad that it does.

And it does take time to allow those things to work through your body.

And like, I just wanted to say I’m like, I kind of like almost snorted when you said I’m respecting your boundaries, but but.

But I’m still trying to reach out.

1:01:19

To you, you’re not.

Then you’re not.

You’re not respecting.

If you have to, but because.

Even in July, when he sent that message, he wrote, he literally wrote, I’m respecting your boundaries.

I know you don’t want to talk because you’re healing and whatever.

And I’m like.

That’s not respecting.

My but I think he he tried calling because he he was like she never answered and he wants something out of me.

1:01:39

I think he wants like me to say something like, I want nothing to do with you.

I don’t want anything to do with you.

Like I, I’m all for people changing because like, I want people to change.

I never, I’m not the type of person that’s like, oh, when he meets a New Girl, she’s gonna suffer.

My my mindset is more like, I hope he treats her better because I don’t want anyone to go through what I did.

1:01:59

And like I hope he recognizes that because even though he’s building his like spiritual side, I am too.

I really hope he doesn’t just use his beliefs just, you know, just to throw it out there.

He needs to actually show it.

1:02:16

Because I also wanted to mention, I think one of the topics too is a lot of pressure on the belief side of things because our beliefs were different.

And he was pressuring you.

A little bit just in the sense of like you wanted me to learn more about it, which was fine.

I’m very opened, but it became a thing of like, I’m not meeting the standards because of his beliefs.

1:02:33

Is basically his wording.

Like, I’m not meeting his standards because of his beliefs, but I’m like, you don’t even follow a lot of things.

You should be following if those are your beliefs.

Yeah, because as you considering yourself a man and following these things and having those beliefs, you need to, you can’t be like an asshole to treat a woman like shit and be like, oh, but you know, these are my beliefs and that’s what I’ll follow.

1:02:55

Like the snot that it doesn’t make sense to me.

Like you can’t, you can’t flick that on someone, yet you don’t follow it yourself.

I don’t want to get too into the topic of religion.

Like in the Bible or the Koran.

It’ll tell you like what a man of God or man of all laws, like supposed to look like.

1:03:12

Yeah, you know, you can’t again, like it all falls down.

Like you can’t treat people like shit, talk to them a certain way, be disrespectful to your family, blah, blah, blah.

Or how you treat me and talk to me.

Your anger too, like lust.

Like there’s a lot I can point out.

Like you can’t me respectfully, I’ll say this out of respect.

1:03:28

You can’t call yourself a man of God and do this shit.

You can’t.

Like I’m not super religious myself but I’m like don’t, don’t call yourself a man of God when you do these things.

You can’t just be OK and not go to person for one day out of the week and then Monday through Saturday it’s like.

1:03:44

Be a Dick.

And then all, well, Sunday, I’m just going for confession like it is what it is.

Like that’s not how.

It works because like.

Yeah, no.

And don’t use religion in any capacity to excuse bad behavior.

Exactly.

Because like, I don’t, I don’t know, I would love to actually talk about that more, but that’s not today.

1:04:00

But I just think like I always go back to the base of all religion is love.

If you’re not acting in love, you and that doesn’t mean just relationship love like love in like you just don’t excuse bad behavior by religion, yeah or any religion by any right.

1:04:20

Like you don’t get to excuse yourself because you, like you said, go to church on Sunday, go to confession on Sunday so you can be a dickhead on Monday.

Like no.

Exactly, like I never understood that.

I really didn’t because I was really trying to like learn more about it, but I just lost motivation of course, because I was like, you don’t even follow it yourself and.

1:04:41

It didn’t sound like he cared to learn about.

Yours.

I was just gonna say that.

And was he motivated to learn?

One, I, I wanted him to, but he didn’t really, like make the effort to.

Yeah, like, and obviously I’m not very like religious myself.

I do follow certain things, but I’m not super, super religious or I’m like, you gotta do this, this, this and that.

1:05:00

The whole thing.

Yeah, there was just thought and he and then that’s also what I realized.

Like we weren’t clicking with our values either.

I realized that later, like we’re not.

And even though in the beginning stage, I told him how I felt about the spiritual piece and we both agreed on it.

1:05:15

But then obviously when you get older, you start to really recognize certain things and you’re like, Oh, well, we don’t align with this and that’s OK.

Also, like, if he’s not a person of his word, he’s not going to make you a person of your word either, right?

Like you might say, this spiritual piece, this religious piece is important to me or whatever it may be, You said.

1:05:32

But he doesn’t live by his word, so your word means crap also for him.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so I mean, it doesn’t matter what.

You said yeah, it felt like nothing like mattered.

Like at that point, nothing.

What was said or done just didn’t matter because it was constant chaos.

Like I’m so used to chaos that now my life feels more at peace.

1:05:50

It feels so weird.

Like it actually feels weird.

And not that I want chaos because I don’t, but it’s just feels weird because for so long it’s always been chaos.

Even before the breakup, before the relationship.

I mean, it was COVID time, but even after it is just chaos and then suddenly start to feel, you know, I’m healing and all that.

1:06:08

I’m still in my healing journey and recognizing that piece is like weird cause I’m like used to chaos now it’s just all here are birds and I’m like I’m OK with it but.

I want to ask, sorry.

No, go ahead.

Is there still a lot that you would like to talk about in regards to your healing journey?

1:06:25

My healing journey, not too much just to be patient with their self.

That’s what I learned that it’s OK to, you know, move on to different things while you’re healing.

It’s OK to fall in love.

It’s OK to move forward with things.

1:06:41

It’s OK to, you know, chase whatever you want, whether it’s your dreams or whatever that may be.

You don’t need to be fully like healed or perfect to do those things.

Like it’s OK to do those things because my mindset was like, oh, I can’t do this.

I can’t do that because I’m still healing.

But I realized it was OK and I feel OK because the right people in your life, family, friends, relationship, they will support you and be there with you through it all.

1:07:03

And yeah, that’s what I say about my healing journey, though, and I’m still in there.

Really beautiful.

Interesting.

I think that’s the thing too, is regardless of what someone’s gone through as, you’re always healing from something, you’re never healed.

It’s always a continual journey, whatever it may be.

1:07:19

And yeah, life is going.

You got to let life keep happening all the way through.

Sorry Melissa, you wrote something you wanted.

To ask why I’ve got I I do have a few notes, but one of the questions I wanted to ask was what is important to you for people to understand about relationships like this?

1:07:39

I would say that when you recognize a red flag, like I’m not saying take that and leave, but just be aware of it.

Like be aware of these signs because a lot of it isn’t I don’t know.

I again, I hate using the word normal, but a lot of it isn’t.

A lot of it isn’t something they anyone should be doing.

1:07:58

Like when you come in to something knowing you have good intentions, like bring those good intentions, but when you see that somebody else’s intentions are not good, like leave sooner than later because I honestly, I can’t Obviously we can’t go back in the past, but I wish I left the moment I notice.

1:08:17

Like when I would express myself invalidate right away.

I wish I left around that time because I knew I it really had like hit me hard too.

I was like, my own partner is doing this and I was normal.

But any sign that makes you feel unsafe or uncertain or you already know like this is, you know, this person.

1:08:37

I’m just scared.

Even fear fear like I ohe my God, it makes me so sad to say, but being fearful of your partner, you’re scared of them because of what they can say or do.

That’s not normal, not normal.

And a lot of it like played into what the anger, but also the anger played into the disrespect and everything else that happened.

1:08:56

But because I understand people have emotions, we snap sometimes we say things or do things we don’t mean.

Yeah.

You should never feel unsafe or.

Lesser than not to that extent, no, like not to the extent where you’re like so scared.

Like I literally was afraid to speak to his family about it.

1:09:12

I was scared to speak to his friends about it, like even my own sisters.

I was scared to only very, very, very few people knew about a lot of the bad stuff that happened.

Very few.

And um, it felt like even though I had a lot of good support system within the span of the few years we were together, if not so lonely at the same time, like even though I knew there was a bunch of people around me, but I was like, you know, like I couldn’t use my voice.

1:09:39

Honestly I just couldn’t get myself to but.

Did you find yourself trying to protect him in?

Those moments I was, yeah, I would say I was protecting him.

And I literally would ask myself, I said this yesterday to myself too.

I was like, I don’t know why I was protecting him.

What am I protecting him from?

1:09:54

For something he did, Yeah.

But I guess it was more of like I didn’t want, wanted to seem like I was ruining his reputation or I didn’t.

I’m not the type person that’s trying to get people against him either.

That’s not me, but I realized that it’s OK to use my voice.

I mean, a lot of people don’t these days because they’re scared or they want to protect the people that they love or loved.

1:10:15

But I realize, like if I look at it from a realistic standpoint, I know I was able to speak about it because eventually I opened up to my friends about it.

And I know for a fact, again, I don’t know the future about the what ifs, but I know if roles were reversed and I did that, I don’t think he’d be too keen on trying to protect me.

1:10:34

I think he’d be very open to being like, Oh yeah, Mona did this moment did that.

But I think he, he even told me himself, like cause I remember asking him, is there a reason why you don’t wanna tell your family or anyone what you know?

He’s like, I feel ashamed and guilt.

I’m like, OK, fair, you do, but it just didn’t seem like there was that accountability that if someone’s asking you what happened or would you do?

1:10:57

And all you’re saying is it’s in God’s hands or you’re just like OHP, like don’t worry about it kind of thing.

It’s like, it’s not like you’re not taking full accountability.

Then like again, I’m not I’m not expecting him or and no one should feel like they need to go and tell the world, but be honest with what you did and be like, yeah, like and show that you’re a different man change person.

1:11:19

But lack of accountability is a big one too for like totally when they don’t wanna take accountability.

Is there anything that we haven’t asked you about, about your story that was something you really wanted to share?

Is what I wanna ask.

You The only thing I want to say is I had a best friend that passed away last July and I remember my friend called me and I haven’t heard from her in years and I was like why?

1:11:37

She called me and she told me and I was freaked out.

I was with him because we were on his way to work dinner and I told him about his passing his I’m shocked.

And he was like, oh damn, that sucks.

Like lack of empathy and nothing else.

That’s it.

Just like even like little things like that.

And the reason why he had a lack of empathy is because me and my best friend at the time, like we were really close in high school, really close.

1:12:01

And then, you know, college hit and we were still best friends and stuff.

But I don’t know if it was like A and secure a thing.

I don’t wanna jump to like conclusions on that, but yeah.

But just you didn’t.

He wasn’t like apologetic to you.

About like it was just like damn, that sucks and I’m like OK I.

1:12:18

Literally didn’t just drop a carton of eggs.

Like this is not down.

That sucks.

That is not an appropriate response.

Yeah.

And I was like, what?

It’s awful.

I’m like, what the heck?

And then overtime, that’s when he was asking, are you OK?

Are you dealing with?

I’m like, wow.

Like after like I still went to work.

Then it too.

I did not want to go low key.

I was like, I just don’t want to.

1:12:34

But yeah, the last thing I wanted to mention was if you feel like you have to be a man on the relationship as a woman, he’s not the one.

Get out.

If you had to give like one piece of advice to someone, if you were maybe if you were sitting down with yourself after your first red flag that you saw with him, what would you say to yourself back then?

1:12:56

I’m like, girl, get out of there.

It’s gonna get worse, but because it always like does when there’s like 1 red flag about something simple, like something simple and you can easily be like an adult and handle it.

If that’s bad for a small thing, the bigger things are gonna be worse or just they’ll be worse things to come.

1:13:17

Unfortunately, there’s gonna be more red flags because that was just not a.

It’s not only the only red flag, it was the start of it.

The start of it, Yeah.

Wow, thank you for sharing all of that with us, Mona.

And like, I’m so sorry that you went through all of that.

Like it’s, it’s heartbreaking to hear how awful people can be to other people, you know, and I know that we’ve both experienced it in different levels, but it’s and we’ve all experienced it.

1:13:39

But like you were saying that that lack of empathy in the way they can say things to people and you’re like, how can you just go about like when you said, how can you say these things and just go to sleep and you’re not like feeling bad that you were horrible or like trying to fix it.

Like, it’s heartbreaking that.

1:13:54

Something is because like when we think of love, we think of like, you know, the support and the kindness that they provide and you know, they take care of you and all that.

And when it’s not there, it’s like, how do you claim to love someone yet you can’t love them?

Like you’re not showing that love to them that they deserve.

1:14:10

And it’s just like, I don’t know.

And I guess that’s what made my mindset think about that’s what love was, that it was just chaotic.

So now that I’m not in that anymore if it feels weird.

Yeah, right.

How have you prepared yourself for moving forward with other relationships?

1:14:28

So it was, it started more subtly like because you know, when I went on like the dating apps and stuff, that’s when it kind of started.

I was just like, OK, if I notice that this person isn’t making effort to talk to me, I’m unmatching.

I’m leaving.

Like I’m not gonna wait for you to make effort to talk to me.

It started off with little things like that or how they speak to me because I’m a guy.

1:14:48

Like you’ll know when a guy wants you for you versus a guy who just wants you to get in your pants, A guy who will just be dry.

He’s not asking to get to know you.

He’s just like, what are you doing tonight?

You up?

Or he’ll be like, oh, let’s yeah, yeah, like you’ll know because they’re not making effort to get to know you.

1:15:04

Like a genuine man will get to know you for who you are.

And like when it comes to your body or the sexual piece, it’s like last resort.

Like it’s like not even their priority even it shouldn’t be their mindset.

Like first thing.

Or at least it might be their mindset because they’re hormonally driven, but like they’re able to recognize that that’s that.

1:15:23

That’s not where you go.

Too.

That’s OK too, but it’s just how they act and show you and how they talk to you.

But if they’re only trying to get to know you and they’re not making for inconsistency is a big one.

If they’re being inconsistent and you’re seeing, seeing patterns of like, but they’re doing this one day that the next are not inconsistencies a big one too.

1:15:42

I learned that a lot.

And because I do believe in the statement that if a man wants to, he would.

I do believe in that.

I know some people don’t, but I do highly believe in it because if he wants to get to know you and he’s like, oh, like, I will make the effort to get to know you.

I will take you out.

1:15:57

Like you will see those.

But a guy can say, Oh, I, I really want to see you.

Or when they send a photo, they’re like a snapper.

Like, wish you were here right now.

And it’s like, you didn’t even make plans.

Do you wanna buy me dinner first?

Like, do that first.

Don’t want.

Yeah.

But it’s like, that’s how you know.

There was, there’s the quote in the movie.

1:16:13

He’s just not that into you.

And I think about it all the time and it’s exactly that.

It’s like, I can’t remember.

If man wants to see you, he will.

See will see you like what do you mean you wish?

Yeah, try.

Like it’s just, yeah, if he’s not trying, he doesn’t want to see you.

And it’s like, you know, and then that same guy who says that in the movie, like later on is like knocking on 14 different doors of girls named this to find her the girl if a guy wants to see.

1:16:33

You he.

Will see you.

Yeah, for sure.

Well, you are just a remarkable and I’m just so like, I know we’ve just met, but I’m proud of you for the movement that you’ve made and the progress that you’ve made in your healing journey and for being open to finding love again.

1:16:48

And like, how great is that?

We’re happy for you.

Thanks.

So much Mona, thank you for having me, this was fun.

Holy crap.

Holy crap.

Thanks for sharing, Mona.

Yeah.

1:17:04

Seriously, I wanna I wanna say this, I wanna say this really quick and I I’m trying to figure out the right words for this.

But I think like we talked about the beginning, Monas her why is really beautiful.

1:17:19

And I think the thing that we is really highlighted here in this story, unfortunately, is that we can put domestic like so often you hear domestic violence like well, he didn’t hit me.

Well, he didn’t you know, I mean, I don’t have bruises.

Well, you know what I mean?

1:17:35

And there is a couple stories in there that Mona shared that are like.

Holy crap, right?

Like the?

Punching in the wall and and and the.

Elevator.

The elevator, Yeah, yeah, the elevator.

The car one.

Oh my God, like I’m going to just use those two not and this isn’t discrediting the other things.

1:17:55

No to all.

Of the other things we can write off as like not abuse and not not sorry, some people would is what I’m trying to say, like not we right off, but some people would write off in their own situations, in their own relationships.

1:18:12

And probably in the moment, probably, like if we were to go back and ask her, probably in the moment, she might say in the moment that was happening.

And she didn’t say, whoa, this is abuse.

She’s looking back on it now going, oh, shit.

Like she said a few times, like, oh shit, I really let a lot slide.

1:18:28

I think in the moment, it’s so easy to go without a hit.

It is it makes it easier to go to to try and justify it and to try and excuse their behavior and to try and like, well, he was having a bad day or, you know, he was there were all of these other things going on, all these other factors going on.

1:18:48

Like it makes it somehow easier to excuse, which nobody should, we should not do that.

Like you are not.

And and she said it too.

I got chills when she said this.

He was, what was her exact line?

She said something like he was very close to hitting her.

1:19:05

And I believe her with 100% of my being that if she had stayed any longer, he would have started to hit her because he was exhibiting some very violent behaviors.

And it was escalating and violent behaviors in an enclosed space and then excusing himself from that behavior and trying to tell her that what she was feeling was not actually that important.

1:19:31

And and that is like, you know, these guys or I shouldn’t just say these guys because it’s not just guys.

But in this situation, it wasn’t me.

I a guy, I don’t want to call him a man because I think he was just a schmuck, but.

This.

1:19:47

Shmuck.

Schmuck these.

This call this.

Person the schmuck right sorry this person was escalating in their behavior and these relationships they don’t start it’s not like she went on her first date and he punched something in the car and scared the shit out of her that’s not how this works They’re they’re not smart people, but they’re smarter than that you know like.

1:20:13

There, they don’t start off that way.

It’s, it’s so insidious because it starts off so small and then grows and then by the time you’re realizing, oh, this is too far, Like she said, I just.

Excused.

So much you’re like freak.

1:20:28

How do I get out of this like I?

Just.

I just he, I do.

Anyways, that was a really long way of saying he.

I absolutely applaud her for leaving when she did because I do believe she was about to get beat.

Yeah, with his behavior, absolutely.

I just absolutely think that he was capable of that with the stories that she was sharing.

1:20:48

Yeah, especially that that punch in there, like I think if you watch the video booth was one at that point because like, Frick, that’s terrifying.

Like I’m just imagining a fist coming out.

Like even when I watch a movie and I watch someone get punched or and I’m like, you know, totally.

1:21:07

So like you’re talking to a person that this has happened and imagining it.

I’m like.

Oh God.

It’s terrifying.

It’s terrifying and the fact that he like.

Both of those.

Occasions and I’m sure there’s more, like she kind of made a list of the things that kind of stood out to her, but we know there’s more.

1:21:23

It was a four year long relationship, but both of those occasions, I think the part that is so terrifying is you know how out of control he was and also how secluded she was.

You’re in a car in a parking lot.

Was that at night or is that just my imagination making that up?

1:21:40

I remember.

Secluded.

In that night story, but I don’t know if it was.

Secluded in a car, stranded in a parking lot and away on a holiday and he’s not letting her back in the house.

She has no way to just go to bed.

1:21:56

She has no way to just leave.

Like she’s secluded, she’s there, she’s at his mercy.

And that’s when he exhibits this behavior like that, like that is absolutely terrifying.

And it’s like.

Yeah, I was gonna say like the wild thing about that, like there was, this is going to sound bad, but like, maybe I’ll leave it in, maybe I don’t know.

1:22:14

But there’s pieces of this story.

And as the as the story starts, you’re like, yeah, like that’s just normal lack of emotional control.

But then it gets to the next point where it’s like, that’s not like, that’s control, that’s abuse.

That’s.

Do you know what I mean?

Like the situation in the hotel, I can’t remember the exact story.

1:22:33

So like, forgive me here because I’m going to miss a piece.

And I’m not saying this is normal, but like there’s a piece of it where it’s like almost could be right, Where it’s like, you know, they get in this fight in the middle of hotel room.

She says the wrong thing.

He gets kind of ticked off.

You know, sometimes that happens.

You say something, someone’s offended, you don’t really know their ticks yet.

1:22:49

And then you apologize.

And usually, usually you apologize, sorry, I said the thing that ticked you off.

And they go, sorry, I got so mad and stormed off.

And like, but a big megaboom, you move forward, Right.

But in this case, like, that didn’t happen.

But even if he’d still stayed mad, and it wasn’t like, yes, or I got mad, he still stayed mad when she came out and said, yo, I need a key card.

1:23:08

Like I can’t get in the room.

Like the biggest piece of that story is that he was like, no, yeah, you know what I mean?

Like if he would, if he even if all of that had happened and he she’d come on and said, yo, I’m stuck out of the room.

And he was like, Oh, yeah, you know what I mean?

1:23:24

Like even that, I mean, not all of them compiled together, but that singled out story, if that had happened, it still could have been a normal, just lack of emotional control, growing person making, especially in your early 20s, like making mistakes, learning anger stuff like, you know what I mean?

1:23:40

Like that’s kind of kind of on the verge of normal recognizing, Oh yeah, I’ve walked out of the room here, have a key.

You know what I mean?

But as soon as that know happens, like now you’re vindictive and now you’re controlling danger, putting her in danger.

It is unsafe.

Where are you?

1:23:56

It’s the middle of the night.

She has no way to go to bed.

Like.

Yeah, and then and then secluding her in an elevator and showing her anger to.

You.

To her like that, like I thought that was terrifying.

And I just think I, and I think this is really important too, because I think a piece of trying to highlight domestic violent relationships.

1:24:16

Um, part of it that is so tricky.

It’s, it is really hard to tell these stories because honestly, we could probably have sat Mona down and done a whole miniseries of four or five episodes on her story and, and had full episodes for you.

1:24:31

Like it is really hard to highlight these stories in a way that makes sense for a listener to hear and in a way that gets all of the things across because there’s so many layers to it.

There’s so, so much to say.

There’s so much to try to convey it.

1:24:48

It is really challenging to try and put these stories together as the as a podcast producer and as well as the person telling the story.

It is really tricky, but I think something about highlighting domestic violence relationships, and we talked about it in the episode as when you were talking about how, you know, maybe one of those things might be a yellow flag or a pink flag, but then it’s the combination, It’s the pattern of behavior.

1:25:17

It’s not just the one thing.

And I think that what I’m hearing her say when she’s telling the stories is like, you know, this isn’t just an isolated event.

It is a pattern of behavior that she finds herself being a part of.

1:25:33

And, and I don’t know, falling victim to is the right thing to say because it makes it.

I don’t.

I don’t really like the victim word because she’s a warrior.

Like she’s, I mean, she’s fierce, this woman.

1:25:49

Like I just, I think that, um, it, it makes it easy.

Like all of those compiled yellow and pink flags, it is easy to try to excuse one at a time.

1:26:05

And it’s just when you pull back and go, oh shit, where you get the whole picture.

Now, that is a really hard thing to do when you’re in that relationship.

Like she’s in the midst of this relationship.

She’s not telling people because she doesn’t.

She’s protecting him from his own story, which I wanted to also say to her during the episode.

1:26:23

I was like, I have heard people say this before and I wanted to say this to her.

That like.

Because I know she’d probably be like, yeah, exactly.

He doesn’t get to his bad behavior shouldn’t be a secret.

1:26:39

She shouldn’t have to not tell her sister about his bad behavior.

If he did that, that’s that’s not a secret.

You don’t get to get give somebody shit for sharing what you did.

Don’t do the thing.

Yeah.

1:26:55

Right.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

Anyway, I’m off on a tangent that’s pretty long.

But no, I’m just I’m really grateful for Mona to share her morning with us and share her story with us.

And I loved hearing that she’s like opening herself back up to love and she’s on the ceiling journey.

1:27:12

And I think it’s really.

Cool.

Yeah, 100% thank you so much, Mona.

Thank you so much for joining us today.

We hope you enjoyed it as much as we did.

To help support the growth of this podcast, please feel free to leave us a review, follow us on socials, or recommend us to your friends.

1:27:29

Your support honestly means the world to us.

With love, Sammy and.

Melissa.